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Mining the past

I must be about 14, because Varda looks about 5.
Every time a picture I don't remember turns up, I think about how much and how little I remember. For instance, I remember a black-&-white houndstooth corduroy jumper that I made in Home Ec. I used to roll it up after I left the house—we were obsessed with skirt lengths. I remember a pair of black pumps that cost $17 & how mad my Dad was that I spent so much. They were the shape of all my favorite shoes my whole life, to this day—rounded or squared-off toe, simple. I remember a chunky mustard-yellow sweater.

But I have no memory of this terrific dress! And no memory of looking exactly like this, or my expression or the event or the atmosphere. Is that still me? Am I still her?  Read More 
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England! Wales!

Even though I've been back a couple of weeks, I think I'm going to talk about my trip now. So many events have whirled me away from that vacation but I still do have thoughts about it.

One is how happy it makes me to know all I have to do is buy a  Read More 
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Little girls

Better news on the Johnny front: everything is functioning better in his body, from legs to back to digestion (a big one).

Also, the hospital social worker convinced me we wouldn't owe $400,000 at the end of this—that we would owe little or nothing. I don't know where I got that figure. It reminds me of my 20s, where I thought everything that wasn't groceries cost $100— Read More 
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Stoic but suffering

This is so much more harrowing than I expected. I had gotten the idea that surgery for spinal stenosis meant a couple days in the hospital & then he'd be dancing like a teenager.

He's been there since Monday & no discharge in sight.

I'm happy to sit with him all day. It's like a little honeymoon to be alone together in his hospital bubble. He can't go out so why would I. I hate leaving, I hate being home without him. Last night I thought I heard him coming into our apartment & was so happy.

I remember the bad three months when he was in Bellevue & then rehab. While NYU Medical is a much better hospital, one difference makes it harder: last time I had insurance & legal things to get worked up about & deal with. Now everything is taken care of so I find myself anxious about  Read More 
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Wrist watch

It's been sore in certain gestures & when I pick up a book.

Nidaime had the same symptom, except it was picking up his son's trumpet case. He was wearing a brace & had gone to the doc, so I figured I didn't have to. Probably a little tear or fracture. We both assume it's a  Read More 
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Finally I got to sit outside in the sunshine, among the plants & birds of the little park on 6th St between A & B. The unrelieved gray of the last week had been getting me down, that's for sure. Everyone I know thinks they have cancer or pneumonia but it's really Seattle Syndrome.

Also, Johnny's operation went great. The surgeon said there should be room in the spine the size of your thumb for all the nerves to pass through, & because of growths & a herniated disk/disc, Johnny’s was the size of a pencil point. No wonder he was in so much pain! But his wound is "clean, dry & intact," and he looks great. So relieved.  Read More 
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My dad, my husband

On what would have been my father's 110th birthday, I am headed to NYUM to fret while Johnny has surgery for spinal stenosis. Daddy would have perhaps been a tiny bit miffed that Johnny was stealing his birthday thunder. I hope it being his birthday means good luck for the operation.

I'm writing this on Sunday; it will post all on its own tomorrow.  Read More 
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Spring Thing fling

Hit the Poetry Project's Spring Thing last night with my old friend Steve & his brother Mike, who are visiting from South Carolina. This is Mike's first-ever visit to New York & he was pretty sure it was about as memorable a cultural event as he is likely to see this week. Hard to hear the poetry but I liked watching videos through several gauze screens, which softened & magicked each image.

Also, Steve & Mike saw a raccoon in Central Park. I've lived here 40 years & never seen one & he scores his first time out.  Read More 
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Daniel Berrigan

I admire Daniel Berrigan, who died a few days ago, in the same ways everyone has been talking about: his tireless activism for peace, his lack of materialism (he seemed to have owned not much more than a couple of shirts & a backpack), his willingness to act on and go to jail for his convictions.

But I will say the fly in the ointment, as  Read More 
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Gray Thursday

Wanted to lie down all day with a book. Nonetheless, I did some work, went to class, went uptown for a couple of hours where I'm helping this guy organize his files, & now headed off to Prose Pros, for the penultimate reading of our 9th season (Susie Mee & Tiphanie Yanique). I saw brilliant yellow  Read More 
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May 4

Thinking as I do every year about Kent State, the 4 students murdered & 9 others shot by the National Guard on campus during a protest, & Nixon quoted in the next day's Times: "This should remind us all once again that when dissent turns to violence it invites tragedy." I still cry angry tears at that lie & that tragedy. Despite having had worse presidents, Nixon was the one who began the ruin & despair so many of us still feel & the one I will always hate & detest most.  Read More 
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Back: sort of

Funny to be off blogging for so long. Even though every day I think of something I want to say here, I've had a hard time getting back in the groove, post-vacation. My daily to-do chart, which includes things like eat vegetables and laugh—in other words, not very demanding—has gone largely unchecked  Read More 
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