My wise & kind friend Liza just said (slightly edited):
The death of a loved one, especially one's mom or someone terminally ill, is the ultimate example of that thing about which one thinks "That will be HARD" [& they] are HARD, despite and regardless of how much you "knew" it would be. Like the criteria for "hard" is that you cannot be inoculated from the pain sadness rawness simply by anticipating or knowing people or whatever.
This feeling of heaviness stays despite knowing why or that it will eventually disperse or whatever.
I feel like one of those teens who has to carry an egg in a pretend pregnancy. You know it isn't real but it's bothersome & distracting nonetheless.