My Cat Buster
I.
Buster curling on himself
a disappearing wisp
tomorrow he'll die
Buster still as loving
wanting my hand as he goes
on ahead
Buster the large-souled kindness
Buster the nonjudgmental
Buster the beloved
tomorrow
you
die
II.
I carried him in my arms
wrapped in a towel
he couldn't walk
I couldn't
put him in the carrier
& let him bang against me
it was warm out & sunny
he blinked
& turned
his face
to the sun
& smiled
even dying
he had a kitten
love for fresh
air & adventure
& then he looked at me
he stared in my eyes
& we told each other it was OK,
this parting,
that we were grateful for love & care
that I was his & he was mine
& the rest didn't matter.
He stared at me: Will you let me go?
I don't want to
but there's no body left
to hold his love.
Buster leaves on his own terms
He decided how it was to be
His body threw him into spasm
& he was gone
someday
this will be 20 years ago
& 100 years ago & I will
be forgotten
Buster is in my heart
III.
I call for him though I know he's not there
I look on his chair & at his dish
my hand rolls to his spot
his smile in the sunshine
despite the hard work of dying
such grace
to take every bit of life
& all I did was give him treats &
all he did was love me
& show me
how to be with him
Buster the purringest cat
Buster the accepting
Buster who loved me
it's lonesome in our house
[[[not sure this is ready but I need to get it away from me]]]